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[11 Apr 2004|01:48am] |
I've fallen out with my friends for reasons which dont concern most of you. The main reason is something I have gotten over with (as playing Generals with him proved...bastard did Scud my tanks though...I Will get you next time man muahahaha) But it was the actions taken by my 'friends' at the time. But as I said its no concern of most of you, the only reason it was on here was because it was a reply to someones post.
And I don't feel like the world owes me anything, I'm happy with what I got also I'm not depressed and never said I was. Just felt uncomfortable with a certain group.
So to those f*cks you think you know everything please shut the hell up. My life is none of your business...If its on here fair enuf but that one time was a reply to someone, if you wish to get involved please do but do it to my face or atleast put your name on the post.
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| Disciple |
[06 Apr 2004|01:01am] |
Drones since the dawn of time
Compelled to live your sheltered lives
Not once has anyone ever seen
Such a rise of pure hypocracy
I'll instigate I'll free your mind
I'll show you what I've known all this time
God Hates Us All, God Hates Us All
You know it's true God hates this place
You know it's true he hates this race
Homicide-Suicide
Hate heals, you should try it sometime
Strive for Peace with acts of war
The beauty of death we all adore
I have no faith distracting me
I know why your prayers will never be answered
God Hates Us All; God Hates Us All
He Fuckin' hates me
Pessimist, Terrorist targeting the next mark
Global chaos feeding on hysteria
Cut throat, slit your wrist, shoot you in the back fair game
Drug abuse, self abuse searching for the next high
Sounds a lot like hell is spreading all the time
I'm waiting for the day the whole world fucking dies
I never said I wanted to be God's disciple
I'll never be the one to blindly follow
Man made virus infecting the world
Self-destruct human time bomb
What if there is no God would you think the fuckin' same
Wasting your life in a leap of blind faith
Wake the fuck up can't ignore what I say
I got my own philosophy
I hate everyone equally
You can't tear that out of me
No segregation -separation
Just me in my world of enemies
I never said I wanted to be God's disciple
I'll never be the one to blindly follow
I'll never be the one to bear the cross-disciple
I reject this fuckin' race
I despise this fuckin' place
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| Generalness |
[04 Apr 2004|07:48pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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Rob Zombie - Living Dead Girl |
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lol I'm getting lonelier by the day...Well Ive lost some friends at college (don't wish to discuss that on here tho) and Also now Maria and (for some reason) Kaz don't like me anymore...or atleast think I'm a jerk!
Haven't seen Tim in ages and I really miss him...But plenty of Jeremyness which is all good *smiles* also Louise has been listening to me rant every night, around 2hours for the past week or so....bless her shes so lovely!
At the mo I'm listening Rob Zombie...which makes me want to (a) Drink....(lol dont know why) and (b) watch Bride of Chucky but Graham has it at Lanforce!
I haven't really been up to much...usual work and hanging out at Lanforce mainly. I'm down but pulling through..My mind is a bit confused...dont know if im upset and pretending to be ok....you ok and just lonely!
But Music and Movies are helping *smiles*
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| *does a lil dance* |
[31 Mar 2004|09:46pm] |
We get some rules to follow
That and this, these and those
No one knows
We get these pills to swallow
How they stick in your throat
Taste like gold
Oh what you do to me
No one knows
I realize you’re mine
Indeed a fool am I
I journey through the desert
Of the mind with no hope
I follow
I drift along the ocean
Dead lifeboat in the sun
And come undone
Pleasantly caving in
I come undone
Heaven smiles above me
What a gift here below
But no one knows
The Gift you give to me
No one knows
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| My Lil Holiday (in detail) |
[25 Mar 2004|06:18pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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Andrew WK |
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Well I'm back in norfolk and currently at home relaxing after a day at college. God I had such a great pass few days! I feel a bit ill tho now...think the days are catching up to me, but I'm ok sitting here listening to my new FDQ Album (now have 4...go me!).
Well to start with the buses to Nottingham weren't to bad at all...I just don't like peterbourgh...and when I got the bus to Nottingham from there I had to sit beside a mother with a premature baby...it was adorable but the tube up its nose made me worry about my presence going to kill her or something. But she was such a lovely baby and when we got to leichester(sp), there was a seat free on its own, so I sat there and listened to FDQ.
Tom was there waiting for me at the station nad after our 'hellos' we got a bus back to his uni and went to his dorm and but my stuff in his room. Meet most of his flatmates on the first day and they such a lovely punch of people. I don't know what they thought of me because I was very shy and just looked uncomfortable most of the time. Me and Tom went shopping for food firstly, so that we had food for us all week (well 5 days) and we also got some lagers (not really my thing, but it was £4.99 for 10 bottles). We stayed in on the first night and watch some DVD/TV...
The Next day (sunday) we stayed it his til about 6ish, then we went into Nottingham to a pub waiting for 7:30 to get into Rock City for the Wednesday13 gig. Ok to explain it to people who don't really know...Wednesday is the singer for Murderdolls and his old band FDQ, because Joey is working with Slipknot at the mo, murderdolls can't do much. So because wednesday wrote the songs for FDQ and Murderdolls, he toured with a band called Graveyard a go go who played Murderdolls and FDQ songs with him. The support band DBY were f*cking great and were a nice warm up for the croud. When Wednesday and the band came on the place went completly insane and Tom got lost behind a small mosh pit and I was pushed forwards. For awhile I was stuck behind a huge guy,so I kept trying to push myself beside him, while trying to do that I kept on touching (no where rude) this girl. She looked at her friend beside her and she (the friend) moved behind her next to me...now first I thought she was trying to back me away from her friend...but when I got close to her she grabbed my hand..so I ended up with this SERIOUSLY attractive girl infront of me with my arms around her. So we moshed together to wednesday13 and we locked hands in the air doing joint-devil-horns which was seriously great. I kissed her neck, and eventually we kissed and it was during Die My Bride which sent tingles down my spine (god that was good). We then moshed/sexy danced for the rest of the gig before kissing each other when the gig ended then I went to find Tom and she went back to her friends (we didn't say a word to each other). After finding Tom I went the lil shop/stall thing..and bought a Wednesday13 T-shirt a 'Evil Is Good' Sticker and a Wednesday13 small poster (all coming to £20). Me and Tom went back because we had to catch a bus, but I did meet the lead singer from the support band. We got back to his dorm and watched some more DVDs.
On monday we went shopping in Nottingham...I wasn't rolling in it and neither was Tom so went shopped for about 2hrs then we went to the cinema to watch Starsky & Hutch, which was pretty good. I bought a Distillers 'Drain The Blood' single (because it had a song on it I don't have and an acoustic version of Dismantle me), Andrew WK Album (for £2) and FDQ - Viva Los Violence and 6 Years, 6 Feet under the Influence...both f*cking great (especially Viva Los Violence because it's my favourite FDQ album). We also rented out some DVDs (£2 for 3....its insane). We got House of 1000 corpses, Feddy VS Jason and Old School. We watched House of 1000 corpses and Feddy VS Jason that night...Freddy VS Jason was f*cking great, but House of 1000 corpses was a bit of a let down...it was ok, but too random and too much tyring to be Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Tuesday was great...we spent the day in his room watching more DVDs and TV, but later on we went back into Nottingham for some serious drinking. We had a couple of beers each before heading off at 7ish. We then went to 4/5 Pubs/Clubs until 11. One pub I f*cking loved, it was all gothic and selled great cocktails. We had wrath (2 litre jug) which was so nice. In one of the pubs they sold Jagermeister *drools* which I've been trying to find for sometime now. So Tom had JD & Coke and I had Jagermeister & Coke...and my god its lovely, its now my favourite drink because it was gorgeous. At 11 we went to Rock City for 'Crash' which was a couple of DJs in a couple of rooms (one playing metal/punk and the other playing Indie/Pop Rock) Tom drank castlemania while I mainly had Vodka & Coke or other Vodka drinks. We spent most of the time in the Metal side (which was the place where Wednesday performed). We sat mainly where the shop/stall was and thats where I noticed the FDQ sticker still on the wall. So I pulled it off and its now stuck to my wallet! Me and Tom kept requesting stuff but barely any of them were excepted..but at about 1am the guy finally played The Distillers - City of Angels...I yelled, which made Tom laugh. And through-out the night me and Tom sang very loudly. we left at 2am but missed our bus, so we went to a kebab place and I got myself a burger. On the way back to the bus stop I was sick (well I have never done such a night before, so I didn't feel bad)...eventualy the next bus came (3:05) and we went back to his, which was when the flats fire alarm went off...so about 3:30 we stood outside with some other students, but thankfully after 10/15mins it turned itself off.
Wednesday me and Tom went into the City, had a Burger King before I got my bus at 1pm...and 3 bus trips later and one small car ride (thanks to my mum) I was home at about 7pm.
Wow thats long...
*smiles*
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| Rock City |
[22 Mar 2004|10:49am] |
Hey everyone
I'm still in Nottingham with my mate Tom. We're in the Uni Computer Room at the mo....
Saw wednesday 13 last night and it was f*cking amazing! It started off a lil slow depsite the good support band, but it got so mental when Wednesday came on..singing some of my faves (Scary Song and Devil Made Me Do It)
There was this REALLY stunning girl infront of me and I was being pushed into her, and at one point I couldn't help but have my arm on her waist and she grabbed it and wrapped it around her, so for the rest of the gig i was holding this girl and we kissed during Die My Bride *smiles* how great is that...
Afterwards I kissed her then got a t-shirt and left...we didn't say a word to each other...hehe made the night 100Xs better!
Wednesday was just the best and he sang 197666 at the end...my favorite song of all
EXCELLENT NIGHT
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| My horrible day (part 3) |
[18 Mar 2004|06:09pm] |
Its getting to a stage now where I can write a book about my week.
Started of with me being excited about taking my Bass Guitar to college to do some jamming with my mate Ollie. Because in the morning I was sorting that out along with my Bass I missed my bus, so my mum took me in. Then half way to college I get a text from Ollie saying his step dad needed to use the Amps so we couldnt use them. So I had to just carry around my Bass Guitar all day (not wanting to leave it anywhere). I saw my friends in the morning Rhianne giving me a huge hug (which for one brief momment made me feel perfectly fine....love the way she does that) but then some how I manage not to see my friends practically all day (except the odd momments). Which made me feel horrible.
Had one lesson today of ICT which normally Mr Verma (who is an ok guy) can be a real annoyance...and had put my best friend in another group for our coursework because I wasnt at the lesson (phoning around trying to find who threaten me) and Tim (because he thought the lesson wasn't on)..He put tim in the group with the guy who beat me up last year and also because Tim works full tim, he doesnt go to college for all his lessons and being his friend, I'm the one who gets in contact with him. Both me and Tim think Mr Verma has something against him (mostly Tim being smarter) and so I had an argurement all in my head about why Tim should be in our group and I get in the calls tell him all of it really fast then Mr Verma becomes all nice with the 'wo wo wo' stuff and agreeing he should be in my group making me feel like a complete harsh tw*t (which agains all what I believe in)..so that made me feel even more worse and shakey.
Then I have my driving lesson (4th one). Now normally I'm really nervous about them but my instructer is really lovely. But shes on holiday so I had a different guy. he phoned earlier in the week saying he had an appointment later so not to be late. So I stood outside college 5mins before the lesson..15minutes later I call my dad saying he isnt there. My dad has a huge rah at me saying he called asking where I was and that he was at the lorry park waiting for me and that dad told me this...which he bl**dy well didnt (my mum backed me up on that 30mins ago) so I was even more shakey because I hate meeting people and on top of that I was late..Get in the car and he is a nice guy and understands (but I'm still shakey after everything) then then it turns out its a different car to what I have previously drove in making it really confusing for me in that stat. Basically I make a lot of mistakes and I make people behind wait, whole town staring etc etc...
After an hour of a lesson and 30mins of sitting on my butt in the common room I get on the bus home. Wanting to just listen to music to finally relax the high school kids decide to play truth-or-dare and so half way home some kid strokes my hand which throws me off and makes me paranoid the rest of the way home not allowing me to appreciate my music and let it drown me in its usual bliss...
...Get home and I've hidden in my room since!
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| My horrible day (Part 2) |
[18 Mar 2004|10:56am] |
Yesterday
I had the day of school of teachers not caring what happened and being stressed with me. The ICT teacher who got angry that i missed his lesson (trying ot find out who called me) didn't turn up to his lesson. And friend (Vikki) was coming round in the afternoon...finally sometime I can just stop and relax, then my mum decides to tell how I am horrible and don't do anything for them and starts to cry..dad tells me I treat them like sh*t...which I don't I always offer to help out around the house and pay for things, I always ask to go out before hand and this all started because my mum forgot I invited Vikki round which i asked a week before hand....The after crying in-front of Vikki (completly embarrashing myself and feeling pathetic) my suddenly realises for the past 2 years shes been taking out everything on me...all her problems and anger she takes out on me because im the 'boy' (i have 3 sisters) and im meant to be the tough one...oh yes great after cracking my head last week (another story) and geting a threatening phone call the day before...and again taking me away from just spending time with vikki...
This morning I'm at college on my own wishing I wasnt here! or anywhere for that matter (thats not a sucidial comment...my life is never that bad)
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| My horrible day... |
[16 Mar 2004|10:44pm] |
Started of with all the servers at college being down so I couldnt go on the computers. Which for me is f*cking annoying. But then at dinner time I got a phone call on my mob (the number was with-held) this guy asked it was Rory and I said yes, then he went on about how I should leave his f*cking girlfriend and how he was going to beat me up and insulted me like called me a fat c*nt and how I'm going to die if i do anything again....
Have haven't done anything (including flirting or even saying hi) with non-single girls who aren't my friends and I know the boyfriend. I didn't know who the guy was, but it didn't sound like a prank and he asked for me.
I found out later that one of my casual friend's (as in saying hi once every few-weeks) boyfriend came in all angry looking for me. And this guy is a f*cking knob who would beat someone up before asking questions. And after the whole jason putting me in hospital and being in surgery last week and generally being a nice non-violent guy I got (still am) very scared. So I ended up texting claire asking her what was going on and saying that i was going to call the police because im not going to deal with it again. Later some guy phoned (with-held again) I got Jeremy to answer because I was round his, jeremy recognised it was him and said he would take a message...about 15mins later claire phoned (again with-held number) saying that she had no idea what was going on and that he was looking for laura not me...now two people said he was looking for me!
So what I think is that he was mistaken and claire was lying trying to cover it up..which means its over, but if it isnt him then I still don't know who it was.
And on top of all that, because of the phone call i rang people trying to find out who it was missing my lesson getting threats at the end of the day telling me to pull myself together...and because of missing lessons last week due to my head injury the phone call thing sounded like an excuse making me feel even more pathetic...
So yeah that was my day
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| Christey |
[12 Mar 2004|11:15pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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Went to norwich today to meet up with christey. The plan was to say goodbye to her so that I could move it (dramatic I know) but after spending the day with her I think it will be fine us just being friends...seeing her with someone I don't plan tho...and too be honest I thought about Louise most of the time, wheter it was looking at cds or just a passing thought!
Louise if you read this *huge hugs*
I got a couple of CDs - Stellastarr* album which I've wanted for AGES. And Brides of Destruction which Chrisey advised (Nikki Sixx's new band) and its very good. Oh I also go the Stellastarr* - My Coco Vinyl, because it looked kewl and only cost 99p
*smiles*
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| Distillers on 4Music |
[11 Mar 2004|01:10am] |
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 tired |
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music |
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Pretty Girls Make Graves |
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At last....they said it would be last week (NME) but it was on this week. On 4music (aural six to be precise) showed bit of the video to The Distillers - The Hunger....
*drools*
It was so good.....I love them so much, I went all tingly from just on clip! can't wait to download the video (I dont have sky or cable you see)
But still.....so good!
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| My day was more interesting today than usual.... |
[09 Mar 2004|06:15pm] |
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mood |
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 devious |
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music |
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Static-X - Destroy All |
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Well this morning in tutor I saw my friend out the window...so I went to the door of the room to see if it was him. But he wasn't there, so I jumped back in the room (there are a few steps before the door...I was on the second step, thinking i was on the first) and I smacked the top of my head on the door frame, I couldn't stand straight for a second but thought nothing of it (except being VERY embarrased) then a few seconds later blood started dripping down my face...then blood started pouring down my face...lol Ally (bless her) started yelling "oh my god oh my god", i just said..."oh....sh*t". My mate Jason took me to reception and my teacher and the college nurse took me to the surgery where a paramedic checked it out. It wasn't bad enough for stitches..its just head wounds bleed a lot. So then she got this glue stuff and glued the wound closed (lol...felt sick while she did that) after 30mins my mum took me home because i might of had concusion (sp) but I was fine...and after phoning my best friend (because she was really worried) I just lay on the couch for the rest of today....
My mum wouldnt let me take a pic of my face with the dry blood on it (hehe damn her) but I took a pic after i cleaned my face...you can see where i did it -
Becuase of the glue I can't wash my hair for a couple of days.....feel sorry for my friends & family more than myself there!
*smiles*
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[09 Mar 2004|12:00am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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Static-X - Invincible |
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This day has been crap...
1. Upset Laura by being distant
2. Wasn't really there for Rhianne
3. I just upset louise by being distant
4. Christey is REALLY f*cking with my head (or atleast my feelings for her are)
5. I think I'm now just annoying Vicky
6. Yr11 Vikki go upset with me because i didnt say goodbye on msn (i was on the toilet)
7. I look like a f*cking dick....(so pretty good representation there)
8. Tired like HELL
9. Mum blammed me for all our problems again
10. Dad just can't be arsed
........And I'm not feeling f*cking sorry for myself, I know I'm a lucky person being here and sh*t but still doesnt make me feel better about my day at this momment!
sorry
The end!
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| Weekend... |
[08 Mar 2004|10:18am] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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Queens of the stone age - Six Shooter |
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*Sits in the Study room - nodding to Queens of the stone age - you think I ain't owrth a dollar, but I feel like a millionaire*
I had a pretty kewl/weird/tiring weekend. First started with the all-night party at my friend Jeremy's. I went straight after college so I was on my own downloading NBC soundtrack to his computer (muahahaha) and playing on the URT2004Demo *drools* Later on Sam (another mate) got there and had some money (and being the only 18year old) I had to go and buy some alchohol....but Sam is great, he likes wine like me so we got 4litres worth...and drink 1.5 between us along with 2 litres of cider in 30mins before even else go there...so we were a bit tipsy! lol at one point I was spinning on my arse in the living room really fast and jason thought it was funny so he did it, and it ended up as a giant EXTREME game of Bay-Blades (sp). Vicky was there and part of me wanted to ask her out..we are so alike in some ways its scary, but she ended up walking during a meaningful conversation and not coming back...so I gave up on the idea (no plans for getting hurt again you) I went up to the quest room and watch South Park, but claire game up and joined me so we slept together in one bed (I mean actual sleeping) which was lovely and my mate Ollie and Harriet had the other bed in the room (hehe we had a bottle of milk, box of coco-pops, diet coke and Kung-Pow Video...so we were sorted for the night)
In the morning I took the day off work because I had another party planned that night and 6 hours of work on sunday so I didnt fancy the 9 hrs...So stayed at Jeremy's downloading music, watchinng The Fortress and playing on URT2004 demo *drools again*. Went home at 5 but 2mins after being at home I went to Vickys to get ready for the next party. I went as a punk...I wore green combat (tight) trousers, Orange t-shirt under a ripped-up white t-shirt (which had "License to Thrill" on it) and a short sleeve black shirt. I was meant to have a mohawk(sp) as well..but my hair was too evil and also we didn't have strong enought gel/wax/spray so I (we) made my fringe go over one eye and made the rest messy (it looked pretty kewl)
Got to the party at about 8:45 (fashionably late) and meet up with Rhianne, Tom, Tim and Laura. Tom is Rhiannes Boyfriend and goes to Nottingham university and Tim & Laura are also a couple. But because Tim is Toms best-mate and the girls were dating them, I felt out-of-place for a long majority of the party, but then Tim and Laura wandered and Rhianne was talking to some people so I had a chance to talk to Tom more. I'm going to stay round his in a couple of weeks for 4 days to see Wednesday 13 and general touring/shopping/drinking in Nottingham. He has so much planned for me, and I can't believe how fun and exciting he is making it for me. And we also talked in general which was great because he is my best-friends boyfriend and we have a lot in common but we are both rather shy people so it takes us awhile...but it was VERY kewl.
Laura, Tim, Rhianne & Tom all left a little earlier and because I was really only there for them and Vicky didn't knoe many peeps we decided to go too...We went back to hers where I installed AOL on her new computer (her mums wants it) and then downloaded (once connected) Msn and Music Match for Vicky. Watched some Strange film/programe called Black & white...it had some many stars in it (Ben Stiller, Elijah Wood..etc) it wa a good but deep film about white kids wanting to be black...fell sleep half way through i think tho...but not having enough sleep in 2 days does that too you at 4 in the morning. So I went to Vicky's room and slept and then her mum took me to work sunday at 9:40 and I worked till 5...and when mum picked me up I went straight to Tims and played on his PC and X-Box until I went home at 11pm...and ended the weekend talking to Louise online....it was great!
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| Feeling better... |
[05 Mar 2004|12:03am] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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music |
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Billy Talent - Cut the Curtains |
] |
*headbangs to Billy Talent - Cut the Curtains as he types*
I had my third driving lesson today which went really well, Sue (my teacher) is such a love and sweet lady and she gets so excited when you do well which is great for my confidence. Also she keeps calling me a gentlemen just because I hold the door for her when we have to stop...bless her!
Worked from 5-9 which was ok...I was on the lader (power walking) for 4 hours putting up Easter eggs on the top selves...which was ok because I just talked with the rest of the staff (mainly about ER). Also during work I realised that it was mayber better me and christey aren't together (I miss her...and I would have her back in a heart-beat) but she did find someone within a week and a couple of weeks before that she said she would wait for as long as it took to have me...i don't want eternity but maybe more than a few days...
(still want her back tho...but shes happy which is the main thing I suppose)
So I'm ok...just listening to music (which is making me feel better...as it always does!)
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| I feel like cr*p |
[04 Mar 2004|10:14am] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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Billy Talent - Try Honesty |
] |
I miss Christey so much...I tried to being all friendly on the board and it was ok then I saw her new pics and my god.shes amazingly stunning..
And she has the warmest yet head-strong approach to life..and likes what I like....and I let her go! God I feel like sh*t.
Her and her boyrfriend...are great (she was round his last night...I know because she came online and said hi on the board)
Why do I always mess things up...I could have been so happy
(please don't say get over it...When I fall for someone it never fades and I messed up all over again)
Wish I could be happy (sorry I know thats pathetic)
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| Still at Jeremy's |
[29 Feb 2004|09:43am] |
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mood |
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lazy |
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music |
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King Adora - Bionic |
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Hey its 9:40am sunday and I'm still at my mates (have been since Friday morning). I'm going to go to work at 10:25 (woohoo). Well I'm here because it was easier to get to work this weekend (He lives in the same town...it's a 5 mintute walk) and because Jeremy's parents are away for a week, so other people came round last night. It was ok but I ended up thinking of Christey (so much I had to call her and it was so nice hearing my voice. But with the flaws of Rory's annoying life...she has a boyfriend now)...but she is happy. I'm alright, I don't really get depressed...I have a lot of sh*t in my life but in the long run I know I'm loved by many people so theres no point in ever feeling sorry for myself (plus that would be being big-headed and I hate that). I slept (in the same bed) with a friend claire, we didnt kiss so it was ok...I was too busy thinking of Christey and trying to work out what that meant!
I'm on the board and just counting down the time for work. I got a bit out of it last night (from drink and stuff) but my head feels ok...I'm normally blessed with no hang-overs so its ok.
Can't wait to be in my own bed!
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